Growing Weary and Grumbling
Failing to endure in trusting God
As I have been working my way through the Torah in my morning devotional time, I read Numbers 19-21 on Sunday morning. This came at the end of a physically and emotionally wearying week for me. My body was tired due to getting older and not sleeping well. My mind and my heart were drained from some heavy things going on with loved ones (family and friends).
When reading the historical narratives (such as in many of the Old Testament books, as well as the Gospels), one of the questions I’ve learned to ask is why the author arranges events in the way that he does — which events he includes or doesn’t include (as in the four Gospels), or which stories he puts next to each other. Asking this why has helped me grow in my understanding of God’s word, and, even more importantly, has helped me grow in my experiential knowledge of God Himself, as I’m better able to be challenged and comforted by God’s word.
I’m sure if I read commentaries and dug in, I could gain a better understanding of why Moses put these narratives and directives together:
The Red Heifer and purification from uncleanliness
Death of Miriam (Moses’ sister)
Israel complaining about the lack of water
Moses striking a rock in anger, and his resulting punishment (he would not be allowed to enter the Promised Land)
Edom refusing to allow the Hebrews to pass through
Death of Aaron (Moses’ brother)
Victory over a Canaanite king
Israel complaining about the lack of food and water, and the saving Bronze Serpent
More kings defeated
At first glance, it seemed to be a mishmash of events. But what hit me was the common theme of how hard things were for Moses and for God’s people.
For the Israelites as a whole: They were in the Wilderness, eating the same manna every day. They woke up every day completely dependent on God for food and water. God never gave them too little, but He also never them a surplus1. They had just what they needed for sure, but maybe they went to bed some nights wondering, “Is tomorrow the day God will stop providing? Yes, He’s been providing for years and years, but maybe He’s had enough?” I would wonder about that more than a few of the 14,400 days of the journey between Egypt and the Promised Land. And then you have other nations that not only didn’t help them, but often impeded their way. I’m sure it was wearying and a constant stressor. It would have been for me.
For Moses: His siblings died. He was responsible for a few million people. And these people OFTEN complained and rebelled against him and against God. As someone who struggles with anger, I totally see how he was frustrated when Israel YET AGAIN complained about not having enough water. I would likely have smacked the rock, too.
Israel’s and Moses’ grumbling and anger were the outward actions, but the problem was they had grown weary and lost heart. And they lost heart because they stopped believing (in a moment, or in a slow drift) that God is powerful and loving.
The Lord was the one who provided their daily manna.
The Lord was the one who gave them protection from and victory over every king and nation.
The Lord was the one who not only redeemed them from slavery, but continued to work for their salvation, through burnt offerings (like the red heifer) and a bronze serpent (which Jesus would say pointed to Him, in John 3).
I saw myself in these stories. I related to Moses’ frustration at people that he cared for deeply. I related to Israel’s fears of not being able to have enough for themselves and their children. I feel the weariness that comes from the stressors of being a caregiver and provider.
Like Moses and Israel, when I am weary I forget God’s love and sovereignty. I forget that I am His chosen and treasured possession, the apple of His eye (Psalm 17:8). I forget that He has put His spirit of power, love, and discipline in me (2 Timothy 1:7).2
I need to remember Him, and not grow weary. Hold fast.
“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.”3
Except on the 6th day of the week, when He gave them enough manna for two days.
Which is ironic because I have this reference tattooed on me, and I see it literally every day.
Isaiah 40:31