The Vulnerability of Forgiveness
Why being on either side of forgiveness is hard
Which is harder for you: requesting or giving forgiveness?
The answer for me is “Yes.”
It is hard for me to be the offender and ask for forgiveness. I am essentially pleading guilty, or at least owning the responsibility for someone else being hurt. It is hard because I am admitting that I am not perfect.1 And I like being perceived as perfect.
But giving forgiveness is also hard for me. And this is not only because of my desire for justice and retribution. When I have to give forgiveness, I am admitting that I had a weak spot, a vulnerability, that the other person found. I had a gap in my armor that they exploited — intentionally or not — which caused me pain.
When I am in either hard space, I need to remember the truth that will set me free to ask for or to give forgiveness.
“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (James 5:16)
Finally, if and when you do need to ask for an apology, here’s how you can do it well:
I thought I had them fooled.